It's A Red Flag Day

March 30, 2010


Many of Dad’s lifelong habits and routines are starting to drift away. For more years than anyone can count, he was an avid fisherman. Rising more mornings than not, he would be out on the water with his hook in place before dawn even made its arrival. Over the last several years, he gave up fishing altogether.

25 years ago, Dad would put on his running shoes and run to the gate (1 mile each way). 20 years ago, he would jog to the gate. 10 years ago he would walk to the gate. In fact, up until a few years ago he was still walking about half that distance daily. Up until a couple of months ago, he would walk to the end of the driveway (it’s rather long) to get the newspaper every morning. Now he doesn’t bother trying to do that. It’s as if it is too much effort to even go that far. Some days, it’s too far for him to go from the bedroom to the dining room.

Part of this is physical and part of it is mental. With mental illness, it’s very easy to slip into a depression. Days go by without tending to normal grooming habits. It has now become common for Dad to go days without showering or shaving. On rare occasions he won’t even get dressed. But when he does, he puts his bathrobe on over his clothes if we are at home. It isn’t unusual for him to wear the same clothes 5 or 6 days in a row. After repeated battles, I no longer argue about it. I just wait for a morning he comes to the table in his pajamas and robe then I go grab them up and throw them in the washing machine while he is having breakfast. He refuses to buy new clothes even though many of his are old and stained. He says he won’t get enough wear out of them so why buy them. I’m not even going to try to argue with that…

Mom’s lifelong habit of arranging and rearranging is still alive and well. Unfortunately, it’s because she is Manic. She hates being in a wheelchair, she hates being tied to her oxygen (The Leash) and she hates being told to take her meds or to eat. She wants what she wants… when she wants it and can be rather a handful until she gets her way.

She is getting more and more forgetful every day. At least 3 or 4 times a week, she doesn’t know who I am. Tonight, she asked me how long I have worked for them. When I replied that I moved here back in November, she wanted to know if my husband and children missed me. I gently reminded her that they were with me here. “That’s right… that’s right… I knew that,” she mumbled in a confused state.
After careful consideration, I have come to the conclusion that her confusion is sometimes induced by stress. Today was a bad day for Dad, as Mom calls it “it’s a red flag day” (referring to the caution flags used on the beach to warn you about being in the water). He has been argumentative and has picked at least 3 fights with her that I know of. He is not feeling well and his mood today reflected it. Here’s hoping, for both their sakes, that tomorrow will be better. And if it’s not… we will deal with it.