Posts
March 22, 2010
I want to talk about the importance of finding reliable, trustworthy, qualified help. Dad was driving down the road one day in 2006. He pulled up to a red light and noticed a large magnet on the side of the SUV next to him. It advertised a solution to elderly home care. Mom had been quite ill at the time and he decided it might be a good idea to hire someone to help him with her. He wrote the telephone number down and finished his errands before heading home.
He picked up the phone and dialed the number. It was answered by a pleasant sounding voice so he told the girl he might be interested in hiring her. He gave her his address and asked her how soon she could get here. She cheerfully replied, "45 minutes". Thus T entered the picture. She arrived under the allotted 45 minutes and was upbeat and full of energy. To him, she was an angel come to rescue him in his time of need.
During their initial interview, she spun him an amazing tale of being a recent Katrina victim. In this tale she was a heroine to an elderly woman trapped in her home near the beach in Biloxi, Ms. She was pinned to a wall by a floating refrigerator for hours but managed to save her patient's life. She then went on to relate the sad details of how her young husband had died in a horrific car accident. By the time she was through, his heart was on his sleeve. He hired her on the spot without ever making an attempt to check references, or work history or anything at all. He took her completely on good faith.
Gradually, we all got to meet T and almost everyone, including Mom, felt there was something "not quite right" about her. Dad, however, would not listen to a single word uttered against her. We had already taken a turn into Dementia with him, we just didn't know it then.
Time went on and T came in and took care of them everyday. Eventually, she recruited a girl or 2 to help her out. She assured Dad that she was doing background checks and making sure the girls who worked for her were qualified. He never questioned it. Over time one after another was gotten rid of usually because they were stealing or unreliable. At some point in 2007 she brought in V. Mom adored her with her soft, gentle country ways. The fact that she didn't like T was a huge plus in Mom's eyes. Thus began the days of a house divided. Dad on T's side and Mom on V's.
Everyone who met V (with the possible exception of Dad) loved her and felt none of the reservations T instilled. Time went on and Mom and Dad both suffered from declining health. It soon became apparent to the whole family that Dad was having some serious issues with his memory.
In early 2008, I began to receive very disturbing calls from T regarding Dad's health and mental stability. Things like the bank calling her because he was there, in the lobby, in his pajamas and bathrobe. Or calling me because he had been in yet another fender bender. I encouraged her to talk to his doctor. Unfortunately, the doctor decided that 2 things had to happen immediately. 1. NO MORE DRIVING. 2. They were going to have to have 24 hour care.
Dad was emphatic that he knew what he was doing and that we should all stay out of it. So he made arrangements with T to have either she or V stay with them 24/7. And for a while it seemed to be working out alright. Until their medications started disappearing.
The week of Easter in 2009, one of my sisters-in-law and I met T for lunch to discuss some of her concerns. The biggest of which being there were pills missing from the house. She told us she thought it was V and suggested removing the controlled substances from the house. We agreed to try it that way. T then called in an ex-employee, Faith, and explained her suspicions to her. Faith agreed to come on board.
On May 15, 2009 a formal investigation by the state of Florida was launched (this was the 2nd time it had happened). They got in touch with T who admitted to having removed the pills from the household. She returned them but the count did not match what should have been there.
On May 17, 2009 I called T and told her her services were no longer required. On May 18th, more pills went missing. It was apparent that there was more going on than anyone had realized.
The state of Florida gave her an option to turn herself in for criminal neglect to the elderly (among a few other charges) in the last week of July. We are currently awaiting her trial (after numerous delays) which begins next month.
I do not think she was responsible for the missing pills but I have no doubt she is guilty of the neglect charges. I do not think she made the mistakes she did deliberately, but she made them nonetheless and to the detriment of my in-laws (and it turns out many others). Had she been checked out in the beginning, there is every chance this could have all been avoided. At the very least we would have known from the beginning that she lied about her dead husband. He was sitting in a Texas state prison until sometime last year when she divorced him. Or we might have known that a lot of what was said wasn't exactly the truth. Or we might have known that she spent all her free time on the Mississippi Gulf Coast gambling.
V walked out during her shift sometime in August and we struggled through numerous replacements until Dad finally called Richard in September and asked us for our help. Faith remained the only constant at that point and she has proven herself to be a real friend through all of this. After hundreds of thousands of dollars for private care, they were taken to the cleaners in more ways than you can begin to imagine.
Get involved! I simply cannot stress how important it is to CHECK OUT caregivers. Are they qualified? What is in their background checks? Do they have any formal training? What do their references have to say about them? It is up to us, the family members that know and love them, to protect them. And if you don't get answers that satisfy you keep looking. In our case, we decided to move in with them and care for them ourselves. I do not regret the decision for an instant, I only wish we hadn't had to go through all of this to get here.
He picked up the phone and dialed the number. It was answered by a pleasant sounding voice so he told the girl he might be interested in hiring her. He gave her his address and asked her how soon she could get here. She cheerfully replied, "45 minutes". Thus T entered the picture. She arrived under the allotted 45 minutes and was upbeat and full of energy. To him, she was an angel come to rescue him in his time of need.
During their initial interview, she spun him an amazing tale of being a recent Katrina victim. In this tale she was a heroine to an elderly woman trapped in her home near the beach in Biloxi, Ms. She was pinned to a wall by a floating refrigerator for hours but managed to save her patient's life. She then went on to relate the sad details of how her young husband had died in a horrific car accident. By the time she was through, his heart was on his sleeve. He hired her on the spot without ever making an attempt to check references, or work history or anything at all. He took her completely on good faith.
Gradually, we all got to meet T and almost everyone, including Mom, felt there was something "not quite right" about her. Dad, however, would not listen to a single word uttered against her. We had already taken a turn into Dementia with him, we just didn't know it then.
Time went on and T came in and took care of them everyday. Eventually, she recruited a girl or 2 to help her out. She assured Dad that she was doing background checks and making sure the girls who worked for her were qualified. He never questioned it. Over time one after another was gotten rid of usually because they were stealing or unreliable. At some point in 2007 she brought in V. Mom adored her with her soft, gentle country ways. The fact that she didn't like T was a huge plus in Mom's eyes. Thus began the days of a house divided. Dad on T's side and Mom on V's.
Everyone who met V (with the possible exception of Dad) loved her and felt none of the reservations T instilled. Time went on and Mom and Dad both suffered from declining health. It soon became apparent to the whole family that Dad was having some serious issues with his memory.
Somewhere in early 2007, things began to rapidly deteriorate. Our lives took several twists that year with Mom and Dad. They were both in and out of hospitals and rehab centers the majority of that year. I began closing my store on Wednesdays and driving 3 hours each way every week to keep a better eye on things. Their health was steadily declining and the caregivers just were not equipped to deal with most of what was happening.
A lot of the unrest between T and the family came to head in October of that year when Mom was hospitalized after a very serious fall. She had a heart attack and the EMT's struggled to revive her. She broke her hip in the fall and the outlook was incredibly bleak. Richard received a call from his father about 2:30 a.m. asking us to please get here right away. He asked that I start calling the family to let them know what was happening. We, Richard, Jeremy and I, made the trip on a very foggy night in under 2 hours. God was most definitely our co-pilot that night.
When we arrived it was to find Dad highly agitated and basically annoying the doctors and nurses in the ICU. Mom's doctor pulled me aside and asked if I would please sit with her so Dad could go wait in the waiting room with Richard and Jeremy. He also explained that it was very touch-and-go at that point. If she made it til sunrise we might have a chance...
Dad was furious at being removed from her side but we switched places anyway. I will never forget how it felt to sit there holding her hand and praying that the sun would come up. I was praying she would still be with us when it did. I will also never forget how it felt to watch the sun break on the horizon and at that exact moment, Mom opened her eyes and looked at me. I felt God's presence surround me as I rushed to tell her everything was going to be ok now.
Over the course of the next few days, family members began to arrive from all over the country. T went so far at one point as to actually show up, uninvited, at a restaurant where we had all met for lunch to discuss the current situation. And over the meal she referred to them as Mom and Dad. I thought my sister-in-law was going to strangle her then, but to her credit, she politely explained that she thought that was entirely inappropriate and that now was not the time for any strain. She then pointed out that for future reference maybe T should wait to be invited since, she was after all NOT family. It was a very stressful time for the whole family and T was only making matters more strained.
A lot of the unrest between T and the family came to head in October of that year when Mom was hospitalized after a very serious fall. She had a heart attack and the EMT's struggled to revive her. She broke her hip in the fall and the outlook was incredibly bleak. Richard received a call from his father about 2:30 a.m. asking us to please get here right away. He asked that I start calling the family to let them know what was happening. We, Richard, Jeremy and I, made the trip on a very foggy night in under 2 hours. God was most definitely our co-pilot that night.
When we arrived it was to find Dad highly agitated and basically annoying the doctors and nurses in the ICU. Mom's doctor pulled me aside and asked if I would please sit with her so Dad could go wait in the waiting room with Richard and Jeremy. He also explained that it was very touch-and-go at that point. If she made it til sunrise we might have a chance...
Dad was furious at being removed from her side but we switched places anyway. I will never forget how it felt to sit there holding her hand and praying that the sun would come up. I was praying she would still be with us when it did. I will also never forget how it felt to watch the sun break on the horizon and at that exact moment, Mom opened her eyes and looked at me. I felt God's presence surround me as I rushed to tell her everything was going to be ok now.
Over the course of the next few days, family members began to arrive from all over the country. T went so far at one point as to actually show up, uninvited, at a restaurant where we had all met for lunch to discuss the current situation. And over the meal she referred to them as Mom and Dad. I thought my sister-in-law was going to strangle her then, but to her credit, she politely explained that she thought that was entirely inappropriate and that now was not the time for any strain. She then pointed out that for future reference maybe T should wait to be invited since, she was after all NOT family. It was a very stressful time for the whole family and T was only making matters more strained.
In early 2008, I began to receive very disturbing calls from T regarding Dad's health and mental stability. Things like the bank calling her because he was there, in the lobby, in his pajamas and bathrobe. Or calling me because he had been in yet another fender bender. I encouraged her to talk to his doctor. Unfortunately, the doctor decided that 2 things had to happen immediately. 1. NO MORE DRIVING. 2. They were going to have to have 24 hour care.
Dad was emphatic that he knew what he was doing and that we should all stay out of it. So he made arrangements with T to have either she or V stay with them 24/7. And for a while it seemed to be working out alright. Until their medications started disappearing.
The week of Easter in 2009, one of my sisters-in-law and I met T for lunch to discuss some of her concerns. The biggest of which being there were pills missing from the house. She told us she thought it was V and suggested removing the controlled substances from the house. We agreed to try it that way. T then called in an ex-employee, Faith, and explained her suspicions to her. Faith agreed to come on board.
On May 15, 2009 a formal investigation by the state of Florida was launched (this was the 2nd time it had happened). They got in touch with T who admitted to having removed the pills from the household. She returned them but the count did not match what should have been there.
On May 17, 2009 I called T and told her her services were no longer required. On May 18th, more pills went missing. It was apparent that there was more going on than anyone had realized.
The state of Florida gave her an option to turn herself in for criminal neglect to the elderly (among a few other charges) in the last week of July. We are currently awaiting her trial (after numerous delays) which begins next month.
I do not think she was responsible for the missing pills but I have no doubt she is guilty of the neglect charges. I do not think she made the mistakes she did deliberately, but she made them nonetheless and to the detriment of my in-laws (and it turns out many others). Had she been checked out in the beginning, there is every chance this could have all been avoided. At the very least we would have known from the beginning that she lied about her dead husband. He was sitting in a Texas state prison until sometime last year when she divorced him. Or we might have known that a lot of what was said wasn't exactly the truth. Or we might have known that she spent all her free time on the Mississippi Gulf Coast gambling.
V walked out during her shift sometime in August and we struggled through numerous replacements until Dad finally called Richard in September and asked us for our help. Faith remained the only constant at that point and she has proven herself to be a real friend through all of this. After hundreds of thousands of dollars for private care, they were taken to the cleaners in more ways than you can begin to imagine.
Get involved! I simply cannot stress how important it is to CHECK OUT caregivers. Are they qualified? What is in their background checks? Do they have any formal training? What do their references have to say about them? It is up to us, the family members that know and love them, to protect them. And if you don't get answers that satisfy you keep looking. In our case, we decided to move in with them and care for them ourselves. I do not regret the decision for an instant, I only wish we hadn't had to go through all of this to get here.
I don't think there is anyone currently caring for someone who can't say that they've come across some very, very bad help. Stay away from Home Instead. They were very, very unprofessional. From setting my kitchen on fire to dropping my mother, I was in a hurry to pay her so she would just leave.
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