No Regrets Here

April 14, 2010

I was recently asked if I regret the decision to move in and care for my in-laws full time. I can honestly say NO. What I would have regretted is not being here for them when they so desperately needed me.

Are there things I miss? Sure, I miss having my own home. I miss the life I had before I moved here. I miss my cat. I miss my possessions. But the one thing I am not missing is the chance to love them and be with them as they slowly slip away.

I heard a term today that I was unfamiliar with, “The Sandwich Generation”. It is used to describe people who are taking care of their elderly parents while raising their children. That comes pretty close to describing our situation except that my children are grown and I am raising my oldest grandchild… and taking care of my in-laws.

Life with dementia gets very difficult at times. And sometimes, no matter how hard you try you will always feel like you didn’t do enough or say the right things. But when I want to complain about the things I am missing out on, I think about all they are missing out on. They can no longer drive… I can. They have lost almost all of their friends… I have lost so few. They have to have someone buy their clothes and wash their clothes… I can go buy my own and wash them myself. They have to have someone live with them and care for them… I am still healthy and strong. They get confused and have little or no short-term memory… I am not confused and I am able to remember.

I cannot change the way things are but I hope I can make things a little bit better for them. And if someday, I am in their shoes, I hope that someone will care enough to be there for me…