I Went Home and Came Home

April 8, 2010

I returned this evening from visiting my Grandmama, Mama and my sister for 2 days. I was startled, as I always am, to realize that my grandmother is 91 years old and in far better mental and physical condition than either of my in-laws. She is very tiny and frail. Her skin is unbelievably soft and her wrinkles add charm to her face. She is surprisingly agile for her age (though she does use a cane or walker much of the time). She is a woman to be admired!

What surprises me most is the realization that she has signs of early Dementia. I am totally aware that she is VERY lucky to have only recently begun to show Dementia related behaviors. But, for me, it is very difficult to see happening.

She told me a story, in which she repeatedly made reference to my mother having been gone with her sister. Problem is, Mama doesn’t have a sister. When I relayed the story to my own sister, I discovered that on the day in question, Mama was with my sister. I told Mama, I think it’s a classic case of substituting words when the proper thoughts can’t be assembled.

Cognitive function is the term used to describe a person's state of consciousness (alertness and orientation), memory, and attention span. I told Mama I think it’s time to have Grandmama tested for a Dementia related illness. In just 2 days time I saw obvious evidence of deterioration of all of the above.
There are medications that can help slow the progression and deterioration of the mind. There are herbal supplements that can help, as well as vitamins, minerals and compounds. I told her of the possible meds a doctor might prescribe. I warned her that they could be referred to a neurologist and/or a psychiatrist. Many medications for Dementia related illnesses are only prescribed by a psychiatrist.

I know what it looks like because I am surrounded by it at home. To me it was quite painfully glaring. If there is a way to slow it down, I will do everything in my power to see to it that it’s done.

I also discovered, that I need to be with her more. My heart breaks that I can’t spend more time with her than I do. I have committed to being here, taking care of my in-laws and I know how desperately they need me. My grandmother knows it too. She applauds what I am doing with sadness in her eyes. And I know for a fact that she prays for me constantly.
I’ve heard it said, that you can’t go home… I disagree. I went home (if only for a very short time) and I found a place that I remember from my youth. I found a sense of recharging my batteries just by being surrounded by my all female family (Karen & Janice included, sorry, Johnny). And I found the most special woman I know floundering to assemble her thoughts and struggling to make a simple sandwich.

She helped raise me and I wouldn’t be who I am without her constant support, encouragement, and unwavering love. I have tried before, and am still trying, to convince her to move in with us here. I could take care of her so easily here. She and Mom are very good friends and have been since I got married over 28 years ago. They would have such a good time together. And Grandmama would feel needed and useful “helping take care of” Mom. I wouldn’t have to worry about her (and I do… so much).
I know in my heart, she will never do it. Like my in-laws, she wants to stay in her home. I truly understand that. She lived there with my grandfather. Grandaddy died there. She is comfortable there, surrounded by her things, in her space. I just wish I could help more. But, I will do what I can. And I will visit more often. I want to spend every moment I can with her. I so totally get that it will one day be too late and I want no regrets more than I will already have…