"Jack & Maurine"

May 7, 2010


The extreme down of having to go to the hospital for lab work is not being able to eat or drink after midnight. This can be excessively difficult with Dementia patients because they forget they aren’t allowed anything, they forget they have an appointment, and they forget to tell you if they slip up and eat or drink something.
The extreme up is there is a really good chance that Dad will run into at least a few people he knows and will have an unexpected opportunity to visit. It is a very social experience for him.
As we walked into the hospital this morning, Dad quickened his step. “There’s Jack,” he announced cheerfully. “I haven’t seen him in ages!”
I moved further into the room while he made a beeline for his friend. As I reached a seat, Dad loudly called out to me, “I’m gonna sit here and visit with Jack for a bit.” I nodded and smiled in response.
A woman joined them and lavished Dad with hugs and regrets… first for Mom’s passing and then for not having attended the memorial service. I could clearly see that Dad recognized her but couldn’t remember her name. The three of them took seats and proceeded to talk in loud voices as people in there 80’s often do.
A good portion of the people in the waiting room looked up when Dad told them his “drill sergeant over there was making him use the walker so he wouldn’t fall flat on his face”. Several people chuckled as he pointed to me and announced, “That’s my daughter-in-law she drives me everywhere and takes care of me.”
It only took me a moment to figure out that the couple he was speaking to were the “Jack & Maurine” that had sent a lovely sympathy card with no last name, only a return address. Only yesterday, I had done a neighbor search online with their address to determine what their last name was so I could address their thank you card. I wondered what the odds of that happening were.

I listened to the conversation (along with the majority of the people who sat waiting). Dad proceeded to tell them the story of how his dear friend (and doctor) had taken away his driving privileges and then told him they had to have someone live with them and care for them all the time. Then his doctor had abandoned them and moved to Montana to ride his motorcycle. He told them how he had hired caregivers until they had been robbed “half-blind” and had spent most of their life savings trying to pay these girls. He told them he had called his son Richard, who had come running immediately to help care for them and had moved his family here. He said Richard and I had saved his and Mom’s lives (slightly ironic to me).
He jumped forward to tell them how terrible it had been to watch Mom die a couple of weeks ago. Then he announced that Pastor Pete (he is their pastor, too) and I had saved his life because we said he didn’t have to bury Mom. He chuckled as he said, “She’s at home sitting on the dresser. I wonder what she would say about that?” The reactions to that comment around the room were many and varied. Maurine assured him she thought it was wonderful that he could keep her right there where he wanted her to be. Dad seemed appeased that it was ok with his friends that he intended to keep Mom at home with him.
Shortly after that, Dad was called to the back. Maurine immediately made her way to where I was sitting. She introduced herself and explained that she had known my in-laws since the early days of moving here. They had all arrived within a year or so of each other and had attended the same church and beach club for many, many years. We chatted for several minutes before she told me how sweet she thought it was that Dad was keeping Mom on the dresser. I smilingly pointed out that she was actually sitting on top of her jewelry box.
The elderly lady laughed heartily and shook her head, “That is so perfect. I wish the girls were still alive so I could tell them. I can’t think of a more appropriate place for Del than sitting on top of the family jewels! That is the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard”
The chair I was sitting in began to shake as the lady sitting one seat over from me, on my left, tried to contain her mirth. I looked over at her and started to shake myself. She had tears running down her cheeks as she tried desperately not to laugh out loud. It was all I could do to turn my attention back to Maurine as I thanked her so much for stopping by. “Such a pleasure to meet you and thank you again for the lovely card you sent. Please come by the house to see us sometime. Dad would love to have visitors. He gets rather lonely these days,” I pointed out. Maurine shuffled her way back to check on her husband, Jack.
I looked at my laughing seatmate and finally couldn’t help it. I began to laugh softly too as Maurine announced loudly, “I went to visit with Shari, Dear. She’s Bill’s daughter-in-law, the one that’s letting him keep Del at home. Don’t you think it’s romantic to want to keep your dead wife with you? She seems like such a nice girl.”
The lady next to me said laughingly, “I bet things are never boring for you.” I had to agree. We chatted for a bit.

After a few minutes, Dad returned. He made his way back to where I was waiting. Halfway there, he shouted, “They just wanted me to sign paperwork.” He then remarked to no one in particular, gesturing to his walker, “I don’t really use one of these things but my boss over there says I have to because I passed out the other day. I don’t remember passing out but if I was unconscious it makes sense that I wouldn’t be able to remember it. I learned a long time ago that it’s a man’s job to make the women in his life happy. What else are you gonna do, piss her off?” Shaking his head, he sat down beside me with a snort.
He caught the glance the lady and I shared as well as our silly grins. He looked immediately suspicious. “Are you two talking about me?”
“No, Dad. Should we be?” I replied.
“Of course, you should,” he grinned. “Why wouldn’t you be? I’ve had that problem all my life. Everywhere I go women just want to talk about me.”
I looked away with a big grin of my own.
He was called to the back at that moment and he promptly rose and headed toward the door. I called after him, "Dad?" He stopped and looked at back me.
"Don't you think you should use this?" I indicated the walker he had abandoned.
"Nope," he smiled. "If I pass out here, I'm pretty sure they can figure out what to do." He winked at me as he went through the door.
I had been frantically writing down quotes the entire time all of this was going on. The lady next to me leaned over and said, “He’s so cute. I bet you have such a great time. He’s very lucky to have you.”
I rolled my eyes (which I do a lot) and replied, “He’s very cute sometimes. But I’m the one who is lucky to have him.” (I say that a lot too, just about every time someone tells me my in-laws are lucky to have me, in fact). To be honest, our lives are a two way street, Dad’s and mine… we give and we take, we lean on each other and we love each other. We are a family… and we are muddling through whatever life has to hand us. And we are making it one day at a time with God's help...