Fixations

October 17, 2011

Fixated. Such a simple little word but it has the ability to drive a caregiver crazy. With Alzheimer’s comes the single-minded focus of fixating on something until it is the only thing you can think about, talk about or worry about. It can be a real problem or an imaginary one. It can be something big or it can be something so small a normal person would never even give it a second thought. The only way to deal with it is to just plain deal with it. You have to find a way to put their mind at rest (until they find something else to fixate on). Above all else, you have to reach to the depths of your soul to find a source of strength and patience to draw from.
Dad has an atypical fibroxanthoma (AFX). It is a rare cutaneous spindle-cell neoplasm, malignant tumor on the top of his head. With him, the concern comes in because he suffers from rapid growth skin cancers. He has been diagnosed, over the years, with every type of skin cancer there is and in every case, they have grown at super human speed. Right now, it is the object of his fixation.
“When are they going to do something about this thing on my head?” Dad asks this question 100 times a day.
100 times a day I reply, “Nov. 7th.”
“What is it? I don’t understand why they can’t just cut the damn thing off and get it over with.” His questions and comments regarding the whole situation seldom vary.
I have explained repeatedly that they are going to have to do a particular type of surgery (Moh’s) and that was the earliest they could schedule it. What I don’t explain to him is the concerns related to me by the doctor. The tumor is large and they believe it has infiltrated the outer portion of his skull. The surgery will be trickier than most but it will be successful. They will get it all… they always do. Odds are in favor that we will discover another spot of cancer that will need to be removed… we always do.
So far today he has already asked me about it twice and he’s only been up for an hour. I will continue to pray for patience as I give him the same old answers. I will look forward to Nov. 8th when he will awaken and ask me what the bandages on his head are for. In fact, I think for today, I will simply look forward and smile.